I'm suffering

so .. i don't know, i feel like I'm not myself today. i think that i am not happy in the inside. i want to scream it all out. i need someone, someone i can talk to and someone who really understands me.  like how richard was to me. i missed him, i can't deny that. he is the only one who i think truly understands me. but he is far away. and i can't really talk to him directly. i have to use cyber to get to him. but nah , now ... we aren't that close anymore nor will it be the way we used to. i can't really find someone like him. having friends sometimes docent meant they will help you most of the times. they will just tell you what to do and left us alone and do it ourself. so much for friendship . PFFT . kinda pissed with myself and others. i can't help it. i really indeed need of someone. but no one seemed to be here for me. no one. i feel really lonely now. really really lonely. hais . i guess i won't be able to find the happiness i used to have.