Suffering in silence

I cried myself to sleep everynight.
No one noticed. Best friends could not even see through me. No one see through me. I dont know what i want in life. Life is actually easy but we made it complicated.
I am ... Laughing smiling .. To everyone almost everyday of my life. But... Maybe what phrase says is true..
"Maybe the girl who laughs and smiles are broken inside"
I do feel like im suffering in silence Suffering from a depression. I hate myself. I hate most of the people around me. Maybe i filled with this hatred so that i could make myself feel secured for a moment. Yes i hate myself. No one sees it. No one ever did. I am never strong. Not ever. I pushed people away from me because i prefer to be alone. But i cant stop this lonely feeling inside me. I thought i have found someone who could really understand me....but he left . He said i couldnt understand him and i never knew him. I am suffering to really know myself. He never understand what i am feeling. Those people whom i am closed with is now busy with their schools, relationship and stuffs. And im just here sitting in the dark alone. Crying , shouting. Filling myself with hatred every single day. I couldnt trust anyone now. I really cant. Ii wont deny. I kept comparing myself with others. Its not helping. I know that. I can never find something good that is in me. Just need someone to help me get out from this darkness i am in. Someone?