HEARTBREAKING.... NOT ?

HEARTBRAKING MOMENTS

So, i knew something new today. After letting Richard knows how i truly felt after the break up. I missed him and that i still do love and care for him. He said... that ... when we were together, he dosent really felt like he really loved me. Because he dosent get to show his real feelings to me. Cause we were half planet away. Its not like how he would say I LOVE YOU face to face and that he sometimes dosent feel the love between me and him. I should have not tell him in the first place. I should not have trusted him that much, i should have not loved him as much as i am right now. I should have not met him. I should have not accept his DAMN proposal. Loving him was my mistake. I should have listened to my friends. Of what Khalifah told me. I should not have stand up for us. I should have trusts my damn own feelings. Im shattered. Trusting myself was an issue for me since secondary school. I have lost the trust and beliefs I used to have during primary school. MAYBE i was too young and i didn't know how cruel this world would be... that i trusts myself in everything i do. Ive lost that part of me. Losing that part of me and wanting to get it back ... its hard. I don't even know where to start. Im fallen into pieces. Carrying myself up would be a long long long process. I don't know who should i ask help from. Im ashamed. I rejected all help i need and I'm left alone. I don't want any of this things to happened. I guess history repeats itself huh? Just that this is more hurtful than the previous one. After getting to know what he told me... i just left. I made an excuse that i have to do my assignments and my iPod is dying. Just to go away from him and prevent myself from hurting. He wants me to open up myself to love someone else. Its hard, its not easy, It might be easy for him caused he grew the feelings towards his best friend. Sarah. I couldn't blame her though. They were close to each other. Im nothing compared to her.

So anyways, miss nancy Lost my Nursing Care Plan 3 and she asked me to redo. HEHEHE . And that means she will remark my NCP3 . Wee Hopefully i beat Lesean's marks for FON. He dosent want to compare marks for our NCP 2 cause i scored full marks for that. Ive received full 4%. heheh. SO YAH. So today, after school ended around 11am. I went to my workplace and watched REDLIGHTS. Its an AWESOME movie. U GUYS SHOULD WATCH IT MAN ! Haha. I cried and get all excited all by myself. Watching movie alone IS FUN ! I prefer watching it all alone. CALL ME FOREVER ALONE. Cause I'm proud to be one xD. I HAVE A MIND OF AN ASSASSIN. Sorry my randomness of my brain is acting up. I don't blame myself for that. HEE !~ it keeps me happy. HEHE. So i am looking for this PIKACHU pajamas. LOL. Its soooooo CUTE ! I COULD JUST DIE ! I wanna sleep in it. HEHEH. OUH OUH ! IVE BOUGHT A CLOCK FOR MY ROOM. And its .... RED ! YIPEEE ! And my sis bought a .... LAVA LAMP. Weep~ sweet, and its also red. I don't know. I just wanna make my room reddish. It looks like anger something like that... referring to rage. Im saving up money for my FRIGGIN punching bag. GAHH ! NEED ONE OF THOSE. REAL BAD. Heh. I guess today is quite enjoyable as i get to hang out with MY BFFL. Even though its only for a while. Ill be meeting her next week and this Saturday. Hooray~ i love her. Maybe i should just share what I'm really feeling right now. Since she knows me best. We have been together for like 13 years now. And we have YET to get a scrapbook for us three. I wonder when will we ever get that. Mmmm.

Loving you was a mistake. Its a waste. my heart shattered into pieces you would never have imagined. I am sorry. Im distancing myself from you. I no longer see you as my best friend but a liar.

XOXO.