Lame jokes

I cant stop myself from making lame jokes.
some people really do get it but some people just ... well look at me like i am a dork.
and most of the time ... i am the dork.
my mind is just having some weird stupid voices in me ...
like i am having conversations with myself.
dont really care what i am doing... this conversation will be up there in my skull. the centre of all actions and words. THE BRAIN.
it is like myself in devil and angel self having an argument towards each other. the good side vs the bad side. and most of the time.. the bad side will always win. how weird does that sounds... i think i am crazy.

Test is coming up and i am pretty sure i dont have the mood to study? theres alot for me to handle. but my other side was pretty much wanting to study so that i wont regret it at later part of the week or month. or even worse.... year.

So the question is, why am i holding back when most part of me is wanting to study?

Touch and Go.

So, he said it again about meeting each other yesterday.
I think really it was just a touch and go thingy.
I was happy, i didnt deny that.
But, why is it so hard for us to meet when his camp is just beside my school?
Oh wait, Maybe because he have training and i ... well stuck in school to study.
"SO CLOSE YET SO FAR" was the exact phrase to sit in this situation.
Alot of what ifs are in my head right now. Is it me who thinks alot or ?
What if he was just saying it?
i told Nico about this though and he said that He is an asshole
cause he wasn't that serious.
the funny thing is , Nico said he was serious about me.
But, i couldn't believe him. Well, I have to say he is always playing around.. .and he wasn't the serious type of person. like,, i have been talking to him for 3 years now? but we haven't meet like at all. Sometimes we are open to each other... we always tell what are our problems and also when we are angry at someone or something. but why haven't we meet? what if we meet? what would i do?
i will be awkward thats for sure... cause ... it will be. i just know it.
i could not imagine how it would be if we meet.
Maybe it is better for us to talk behind devices than to meet face to face?
Maybe things are better off to be secretive and mysterious?

Drifting begins.

So, it is normal for people to drift away from you after talking so much.
maybe after they are bored of you?
or maybe, because of they are lonely at first, and you're the first list of the "victim list"
and when they found someone more interesting and fun to talk to ...
you're just yet another stranger to them.
I bet they already have forgotten about you.
The self blaming begins.
I cant stop blaming myself of what is happening.
I blamed for being to overly attached to someone so fast.
Just because of the looks.
 I blamed myself for not being interesting.
I blamed myself for being so mono.
who am i kidding?
this is all part of the cycle.
i just know this will happen sooner or later
but ... i didn't know.. that it would be this soon.



Is it just me or is it just the way the cycle is?
Am i on Denial?

Lost in the dark

Ever had a feeling where you just lost interest in everybody and anybody?
it is like, you dont have any feelings of affection towards the person who shows interest in you.
you shove them away. You prefer to be alone. Knowing you are lonely ... but you still prefer to be alone. I have done so much stupid things in life. Those stupid things kept haunting me back
every time i try to look forward. Those regretful moments in my life where i wished i shouldn't have done it. Being pressured and wanting to try out new things ... make me do it without thinking for the consequences i will face at the later part of my life. Why do i talk about this? well, for sure i am having this self reflection moment with myself right now. like late night. where everyone is  asleep and i am just here ... typing this all out. I guess i can say here is where i shall put my feelings into words i cant share to anyone.

My days are pale
Everything is still
Everyone is dead.
My eyes looks around
to see the light of day.
There was no sound
only the  sound of a busy street
with a silent heartbeat.
The darkness came in my heart
memories i tried to erase
being still as a stick
brittle as it looks.
as light as a feather
as my memories haunts me
regrets fill me up
wishing time would turn back
rewinding and making things right.
Others were happy.
I am left behind.
Thinking that you would feel me
but i was wrong.
You were still in to her.
you filled me with lies
i believe those words,
i should have known better
that you were "smarter".
being as stupid as i am,
I believed your lies
as a liar you are.

Looking at your picture, i was sad, to be honest, but i couldn't possibly tell you. I dont want you to see me as a desperate person. cause i am not. I should have know all those hints you gave me. but i was blind. I was blind with all those words you've given me. I shouldnt have shared alot of things. things that are not meant to share. When will i ever have the true meaning of happiness?

update.

This past few weeks, have been a very busy week for me. Exam just ended today and I pretty sure ...... i did okay for the papers. not really confident in pharmacology and Nursing Science 3.... though. wait , easy said.... lets just said ... all the papers. meh. I am supposed to go for class chalet/barbeque but however, MUM last minute disagree for me to go. I really hate it when it happens. I am literally mad at her. i begged her and try to be very logical .. but she keeps on persisting of her answer which is a very big NO. with no logical reason behind it.  her ultimate weapon? WALK AWAY ~ and just left you hanging,stunned... yep, every single time. So, i had to miss all the fun there and just celebrate the end of the semester examination alone, yes, ALONE. maybe that is what my mum really wants me to be. a loner. it is pretty unfair though. My mum told me a story when she was a teen, and about 20 years of age she went to a chalet and had a sleep over.... and stuffs and the fact that she hates it after having an experience.... over night. well.. she thinks that whatever she experience.... must not be experience by her daughters. maybe? I DONT KNOW.  I can never get how she thinks. but i still love her i really do.  Please dont get the wrong message .i just have to get how she really thinks maybe i can like understand her ? maybe?


well, i think its on .. urmm, last friday? on the 15 august ? yeah, went out with my best friend ali and stella. went shopping you can say ? me and ali bought a pair of same tees . CATS.  cause we are obsessed with it and you can say... its like... "eh ika, wanna get the same shirt?" then i was like " HELL YEAH?" HAHAHA. its like we clicked. we knew whats on each other minds. HAH. maybe cause we knew each other since secondary one and that he used to be my brother's best friend in primary one. yes. we are in the same primary school till secondary school. was his classmate since sec1 till sec 5. hahahha ! good old times. good old times. and stella bought a new dress. she looked so sweet in it. heh. <3 .="" i="" love="" muuccch.="" nbsp="" p="" so="" them="">

Well, ive been asking this question to myself this past few days....

.Must a Guy Best friend back out when you are having a relationship? is there a meaning behind it? 

Hari Raya.

so it is the end of the fasting month. one month. i thought i was getting a full fast this year, Unfortunately, my period came on the 5th last day of the month. I wanted to cry.... but it is what it is. so i just had to suck it up. im not over it though.
so a lot of things happened. and i just have to say, i have to just go out from my comfort zone right? try something that I am afraid of. Face my fears they would say. I am just hoping i wouldn't make the very same mistakes i always did.

making a vlog have already been in my mind this past few days . but i could not think of any ideas on how my first video would be. i am not saying I am doing this vlog to be popular or something. I just want to like you know share my daily life. apparently, i am doubting people would want to watch my videos. so i might as well do it to just my own entertainment.

I am excited to have 4 hamsters. Yes, I am going to have a new pet. and additional of 4 members to the family. so it would be 3 males and one female. hopefully when they grow up they could bear little hamsters for me xD . heh. the story of having this additional little adorable pet is that ... my friend, named Rashidah, she had 2 hamsters. one female and one male. apparently, it gave birth to four adorable little hamsters.  at first, she wanted to give me just 2 and other 2 to her friends... however, she texted me this morning that is it okay for me to have all 4. well... i couldn't possibly say no. so i dont mind actually. so yeah. i took all 4 because she cant bear to separate all them. heh. I am so excited for them. this wednesday i am going to have them. i will try and took a picture of it, if i remember and not in a lazy mood. i would. i will try my best. :D


so tomorrow, i am going to meet Aidil to have breakfast and go to school together. because i have NS3 revision lecture and he had to come to school for something. hopefully, contact lens are at my aunt house in jelapang right now. because it was for him. aidil asked me to buy for him. he wanted red contact lens. so yah. and he have yet to pay me. it was horrible enough that he could not get it by raya. and he have waited for a long time for it. i felt so bad, ): so yeah. that is probably sum up of everything that is happening this past few weeks. oh ! i almost forgot, i had planned a surprise birthday party for my best friend, robert, heh. learnt a lot of things from him...like for an example, masterplans. and made sure nothing is left out. he was pretty surprised and impressed by my plans. eventhough he suspected something, well it is all in my plans. and im very happy for my plans. it went well... all as planned. good job ika. :D . oh well. that is all.

Random post.

well hello there. as much as i want to start my assignments... things around me would not allow me to. ohh wait... either cause i am too lazy to start off with. This is a random post because i am currently in my school library and having a very very long break before our next class. 4 hours of break is not good. really. well, it was supposed to be three hours but i received a text from my class that NS3 IS CANCELLED and that it will resume next week. I wasnt that sure wether to be happy or sad about that. 4 hours of break? SERIOUSLY. 3 hours is enough for me. and as much as you guys are reading my blog, and you guys might think that " come on ! 4 hours of break ! im dying for one ! " well guys, HOPE I CAN GIVE THIS TIME TO YOU GUYS! i might as well have a lesson straight and be back home fast then to have a long period of hours and be back home late. i dont know it is just me i guess.

anyways, i am thinking of making a vlog.. but i could not think of any start off video to begin with. I need suggestions. i really need one and a good one. i need to hav my very own ideas. i have the camera and memory card sufficient for my videos. im just lacking of ideas... yes. ideas.......

help ?

what is life?

Well hello blog. Sorry I have been very busy lately and I really have forgotten about you most of the time. Currently I am having a lot of assignments to be done and submitted on the week 17 and trust me..... I have did nothing so far except for my NSL health education cause my teacher asks us to send her by Sunday. Honestly, I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COMPLETE THIS. my weekends are busy this week. Saturday having BCLS and Sunday having FAOW at east coast park. So I am done with the brochure for my NSL. thank god. just have to email it to teacher and hopefully and praying hard it would be okay. Currently listening to Ghost town. at least it could make me feel awake for my assignments I have to do. :(

so like my title says... What is Life ?

I don't know actually. I don't know what I am doing in my life. Firstly, people keep on saying I don't show any interest in my course right now and I am starting to believe them... and my interest is fading. I MUST STOP THIS AND FIND IT BACK. I really want to graduate... but I could not imagine myself being a nurse.

secondly,

I feel that I have been dazing off and thinking of nothing. I feel nothing... I think of nothing and just nothing really. I don't know what is wrong with me and all. cause I don't really know myself.  does that make sense even?

can someone at least tell me what is life? what do you guys want to do in your life? See the future imagine yourself being what you guys are studying right now? and how the future would be?
Oh well. I guess I still have a lot of things to learn.

Suffering in silence

I cried myself to sleep everynight.
No one noticed. Best friends could not even see through me. No one see through me. I dont know what i want in life. Life is actually easy but we made it complicated.
I am ... Laughing smiling .. To everyone almost everyday of my life. But... Maybe what phrase says is true..
"Maybe the girl who laughs and smiles are broken inside"
I do feel like im suffering in silence Suffering from a depression. I hate myself. I hate most of the people around me. Maybe i filled with this hatred so that i could make myself feel secured for a moment. Yes i hate myself. No one sees it. No one ever did. I am never strong. Not ever. I pushed people away from me because i prefer to be alone. But i cant stop this lonely feeling inside me. I thought i have found someone who could really understand me....but he left . He said i couldnt understand him and i never knew him. I am suffering to really know myself. He never understand what i am feeling. Those people whom i am closed with is now busy with their schools, relationship and stuffs. And im just here sitting in the dark alone. Crying , shouting. Filling myself with hatred every single day. I couldnt trust anyone now. I really cant. Ii wont deny. I kept comparing myself with others. Its not helping. I know that. I can never find something good that is in me. Just need someone to help me get out from this darkness i am in. Someone?

Insecurities

Insecurities. Everyone has that. Well, apparently, im having those now. Its breaking me. Everytime i look myself in the mirror, all i want to do is just change everything. When i look at myself, i kept on comparing myself with all the other people around me. All i hear is just the bad part of me , and how imperfect i am. My personality is not that good. I know that. Im never different. I came across a quote while browsing my facebook. It says " stop comparing yourself to others, no one can do better than you in being you" (something like that) . I dont know. I m just keeping everything in me.

Trusts.

Trusts. I have learned that .. even family members can just take an advantage on trust given to them. Dont blame anyone though. I blamed myself for giving them too much trusts and chances in always stabbing my back. I feel sometimes my family dont really be there for me when im cying or just screaming out loud. I prefer to be all alone. Atleast i wont betray my trust myself. From now onwards, i wont trust anyone. Even my family members. I ll be the one who make judgment of everything. I am the one who will blame myself and do everything myself without any concerns to my family. Dont blame me when i didnt really talk to you guys as often. Look at yourself, saying family.. but im always the one who gets all the blame. Im tired of cleaning my brother's shit everytime. I am always in the wrong. He is not even my real brother. Its really unfair. I didnt admit that i take my aunts charger because i am afraid... yes, i do feel afraid sometimes. But people tend to forget that i have a feeling of fear. It is just sad. I hide all my feelings to make me look strong and its funny how people really forgotten that i too have feelings. It dosent really mean if i hide my feelings, i dont have it at all. People have to really understand me. But they dont.... no one does. So, my brother found out i took my aunts charger , and i told him not to tell my mum as i dont want to hear her nagging. Apparently , he told my mum about it... DUDE, i wont even help,talk or whatever to do with you. I am no longer related to you. I gave you everything and this is what you gave me? I got your back when you are at wrong... when get beaten up by dad.... i felt sad for you. I know you bro.. ure a two faced . Im not kidding about that. You dare to talk about your real mum and when ure with her, you just being all the “im a good son” YOU Even talk behind your mum tell everyone what your mum did. Wah , dude... i dont even do that to my mum. Congrats yeah ? Thanks for this.. really. You have proven to me .. that i wont even give you any chance and trust. Thanks for making me learn not to trust anyone ... including family members. I am not surprise that alot of people wont want to be friends with you. I shouldnt have help you with khid. I should have let him beat you up. Cause , you cant really keep promises. Youre not a good guy. You never are. Well.. yeah, i regret and ashamed to call you my “brother” ... sorry, i wont forgive you. You gave me alot of shit. Thanks once again. 

Sunday Afternoon,

Its sunday today, and a very lazy one indeed. I am currently at the clubhouse opposite my house. They locked the dayum gate and we have to climb over it. Good job guys, Keep it up. stay cool. yes, i am being sacarstic. Just had my lunch at 2 pm just now, ate a arabian food. i don't know why I'm updating my blog. but i just want too. talking crap right now. cause i have nothing to say. Twinny is watching Ghost adventures 2 tables away from me... and i swear the mosquitoes here are asking me to kill them even though I'm giving them some mercy. " HELL YEAH MOSQUITOES ... NO MORE MERCY ! ILL CHOP YOU UP LIKE A CHEESECAKE YOU ARE ~ " NAH, no ... they are not cheesecake. was just having this random thought. MUAHAHA. alright.~ met BFFL SHERRY on friday though. She went down to my school and meet up with he boyfriend first while waiting for me , cause i was having my cellular molecular biology (cmbio) quiz. manage to complete it in 15 minutes. xD Horraaayy ~ <3 ...somehow="...somehow" .="." 19th="19th" 8pm.="8pm." a="a" after="after" ahd="ahd" all="all" alright="alright" am.="am." am="am" and="and" apparently="apparently" asap="asap" at="at" awesome.="awesome." bad="bad" becoming="becoming" bffls="bffls" but="but" cabbed="cabbed" cause="cause" dayum="dayum" didn="didn" dinner="dinner" down="down" early="early" end="end" enjoy="enjoy" expecting="expecting" fail.="fail." felt="felt" forward="forward" friend="friend" fun="fun" guess="guess" had="had" have="have" head="head" hehe.="hehe." her="her" home="home" house="house" how="how" i="i" it...="it..." it="it" joke.="joke." lazy="lazy" least="least" like="like" look="look" looking="looking" love="love" loves="loves" meet="meet" meh="meh" much="much" my="my" nbsp="nbsp" need="need" no="no" not="not" on="on" oppps="oppps" our="our" p="p" play="play" playing="playing" pool="pool" right="right" school="school" sean="sean" sherryxd="sherryxd" shows="shows" so="so" study.="study." study="study" t="t" that="that" thats="thats" the="the" they="they" this="this" though.="though." tired.="tired." to="to" too="too" town="town" twinny="twinny" up="up" update="update" usually="usually" wasn="wasn" we="we" were="were" why="why" wifi="wifi" will="will" with="with" won="won" xd="xd" yeah.="yeah." yeah="yeah">

Eye candy.

When u thought that You are already happy that someone notices you. Especially someone whom is your eye candy.

Something bad will always come after a good time huh? Thanks to my awkwardness and being straightforward, i think he finds it rather awkward...and he is somewhat different from how he used to be. He rarely texts me now, or even message me in facebook. I told him that he is my eye candy which is the reason why i find it awkward when we were having lunch together yesterday. But i had fun.

Is being awkward and being me, really that unacceptable by people around me ? Im always giving them awkward vibes. I wont deny that i am, socially awkward when it comes to people i just get to know. I tend to have problems talking to them. Im always labelled as the anti social kind of girl. I cant help it. I am trying my best to get along with people , but somehow my awkward aura is giving other people the wrong message. I dont get it. I dont understand. Is being friends with other people that hard ? Cant people just stop judging? I think i just gave him a very bad impression of me. Thanks . I just ruined my own life. Im hoing to dig my own grave and hide myself in there. Being in poly, yeahhh. Why not ?

who am i to you really?

sometimes i feel no one needs me in their life. they treat me as a choice. I'm like no one important. where they are afraid to lose me. Maybe it is just me that treat people i met like jewels. I must stop doing that. or i am really getting myself into a pool of turds. No joke. HAHAH. the only people i feel they are afraid to lose me is just my BFFLs And the other twin. My other twin , Fira. We have the exact things . we feel each other and those of the anger management problem we have. its not a surprise knowing someone really do care and afraid of losing us. we will feel loved and belong to that particular someone. I was chilling outside my house that day,thinking of life. about me, my future and everything got to do with this world. i cried. i was all alone. he was at my neighbor house. he went out and he literally ignored me. Not even a hi. I saw him with her, that ... yana girl where my bro had a crush on. she was so .... flirty. it hit me hard. No doubt. i was jealous. Why am i even jealous when he is not even mine. knowing that he likes me , and he knows i like him. its like , we are like normal with it. i understand. i don't wanna rush . I'm not really ready for it. Plus i am thinking of the long term . I am not short term type. i think far. and i know he is too. i came to him that day, i played badminton , but he ignored me . he never went to the clubhouse that night. he only smile . i waved at him and he just smile. not even a single wave. cause seriously , i don't know what is going on. I am clueless about this, who are we really ? are we friends ? or are you just avoiding me for something i didn't even do.

You Left Again.

Surprisingly, you left once again. Im sorry. Im not going after you again. Im sick and tired of your actions of leaving me over and over again. I have given you a second chance ... And im not giving you anymore. u ran away everytime i prove your point. Cause logically, im much sane then you. Its funny how i can endure you all those years. Not anymore man. Not anymore.
Oh! I didnt get any feelings of jealousy when youre with someone or anything I USED to feel. After what you did. I THOUGHT i love you... But actually i didnt. Its dayum hurtful.

Black out.

so ...sunday was pretty boring. The electricity when down because of the explosion of the transformer. from 1030 am to .. 730 pm. Its like. HOLY!! you never wanna know how i spend my day. Most of it. its just .... Sleeping. :O Yes. sleeping. No joke. and around ... 3pm ? we went out to Bukit Indah Jusco IEON shopping mall. till 6pm ? IT WAS ... hell boring. i was literally dying. Wanted to buy the Step Up 2 VCD .. but then mum was like ... i have not enough money with me right now. AND IM LIKE ! WHAAAAAT, another disappointing thing which also bring my mood down. Seriously. My day is just that boring. gahh ~ hell. i never want this day to happen again PLEASE ! so tomorrow is the start of semester 2  for my school. and hell yes ,,,, I'm looking forward to it. *hearts* Shall bulk up on my studies and just aim high. no more joking around. i wanna aim at least 3.5 for my GPA. since i scored like GPA OF 2.75. how pathetic. okay. till here then NIGHTS.

im Lost.

Where were you? i used to know you so well. My life is crumbling down. Its going downhill again. I am hating it. As always. I am sad. I hide everything inside. I have no one to talk to. Even when i know someone real long. I just can't open up much. I showed them happiness but deep down inside i am just as sad as ever. I hide my sadness behind a smile. What i really want in my life right now ? beside me ? where i could just hug someone? and let my feelings i am feeling inside fades away? I just wish Richard is near me. He is just damn far. It will took such a long time for him to get here. I can't deny.. he is the only one I truly loved. Someone who always have made me smile. The one who i am always me. I could not hide myself from him. He loves me for me. But theres this huge barrier . separating us. Maybe some people will be like thinking " what? she is still young? what does she know about this stuff? " I am not joking man. i seriously felt it. Something i never felt before. I have known a lot of other guys here in Singapore. For sure, thats not the real me. Im not those kind of girl. sorry , i just can't open up myself. I'm just socially awkward.

So , shall stop being so emo and stuffs. i shall try to make myself happy. I am going to buy myself a penny board. Yes, i am going to skate. I am not joking. I ve tried it and i LOVE IT.  after falling , i can really encourage myself in this. I don't care if my mum disagree in me skating. I must do what i believe in. Mum never really likes to support in whatever i do . since Young. ALL her ways i have to follow. but sorry mams, I'm Doing it my way now. No turning back. So i will be skating with my neighbors here. and ill be the only girl again. Dayum, hanging out with them is just simply awesome. :D  heh. No joke! EXCITED !

First page of our story .

I can't blame others. I tried to help. They blamed me instead. Thanks for helping but sometimes , i can't really take what you have done. Thanks for everything but right now.. I have to show what i am feeling all this while. Call me rude and such .. but you just have to know.. i am not your toy where you can just throw me around and leave me at the side as if i am not someone and somebody to you. i was never a choice. All the results i have given you was all because of my surroundings and all the problems faced us as a family. I once have given you the results you wanted but you never even congratulate me. i just want all of this biased action of yours to stop. Seriously. i know where i am right now ..was never your choice or you ever thought i ll be . Ifa entered her Dream school while i am in a course which you dislike .. You never want me to be in this. Ifa is now your favorite. you kept talking about her to everyone. you never talked about me to anyone .. just a brief introduction was all you did. I never really cared for any attention but its clear that you're ashamed of me. I'm not going to brag about this . I just had enough all of this. I will one day , gain my freedom. One day. its all I've wanted. FREEDOM.  Just once.

SO .. look ! ~ ITS MY BRACELET ~ its nice right ! IRETH is an elf name. !  and and ... RIKA ?!  its my favorite name together with my best friend , Richard . from canada. You know him right ?! From my previous blog updates? HEHE. yeah. so RIchard+ IKA = RIKA. there ! so its cleared. HEHEHE . and a KITTEN AND SKULL BUTTON ! omg. SO CUTE ~ thanks to my twin sister. i Simply love bracelets. as you can see. Without them.. i feel NAKED. no joke. Watches was never an accessories for me . its just .. a .. hassle. DAYUM. IM getting out of topic. not surprising. PFFT ~ Listening to Into your arms now. Anyways . today ~ tried skate a cursing board. and it was awesome !~ I fell though . BUT nvm ! every fall will always make me try even harder. EMBRACING IT. XD for some people who really knows me.. i SIMPLY LOVE FALLING. hahaha ~ weird. i know. But the hell , its me ,xD and i love me. CHEY ~ I'm talking crap . =.= . Toodles. 

On the First Page

Another day spent.

I miss having starbucks. Really. anyone? Shall call up my BFFL for me starbucks. she is my STARBUCKS partner ! so went USS today and i was super awkward cause i went together with my sis and her boyfriend . she was all lovey dovey .. holding hands and stuffs. and I'm like there. urmmm . what ride should i take next? HAHAHA ~ thanks to her also.. she bought for me a bracelet with IRETH RIKA name on it. and a skull also kitten button ! its so cute ! i love it !~ *hearts* i have spent my day ... pretty well... opened up my eyes during GALACTICA for cylon and human, I LOVE CYLON RIDE. anyone ?! lets go !

ended my clinical attachment yesterday. Not surprised that I'm THE MOST happiest girl ever there. I ran towards the counter when the clock strikes 9 pm. IM NOT being rude or anything. but ! ITS FRIDAY ! and i end the day pretty well ~ ^^ . aunt fetch me from the hospital with her new car she bought. a mitsubishi lancer car. =.= . IT WAS a very... long journey back home because ... we got lost. we went ang mo kio instead heading back to Bukit panjang. LIKE WHHUUUAAA ... SHE WAS like... " DO you know where to go ? " and I'm like... " GIRL ~ I WENT BY BUS ... I DONT CARE WHERE IT WENT ...AS LONG IM HOME ~ " hahahahha ~ it was so funny ~ Cant help it. her face .... was ... PRICELESS ~ *happy retard face*  Im Gonna miss all the people there at my clinical attachment. serious.