IVE BEEEN KISSED AT THE CHEEKS TODAAAAYYYY BY A PATRON!~

YEAHH. that would be the highlight of the day. HHAHAHA.
SOYEAHH. got a kissed by this grandmother , when i sent her to her seat at HALL 7. with her grandson with BLUE EYES ! and he is an INDIAN MUSLIM . super COOOL ! lol. his name is OMAR <3. HAHA. his age is only , like ard 7 plus ? lol ! okay , i really do sound like a pedophile. hahaha ! oh well , his eyes super attractive. wish i have that colour. COOOOL !! i find it very awkward , for a grandmother to kiss my cheeks. even my own grandma dosent do that ! haha. WEIRD ! ~ i am literally like .. distancing myyself when she grabbed me. LOL. i was like, oooo..oookaaaayy ... hahhaha ! AND ON MY WAY BACK , I HAVE TO COLLECT A POPCORN WHICH FELL ON THE GROUND . like whuaaaat ?! hahahaha. ASS. hehe.
















i kept on recalling the day when i hugged you. it was the best i`ve ever had. the warmth of your body really tells me that ill be safe with you. i never want to let go on that particular period of time. but i have to. the feeling you gave me every time when you're near me is always been like the first time i saw you. you everytime send me goosebumps. i love it when i am near you. When you asked me to touch your chest. i was literally shivering. I NEVER TOUCHED A GUY CHEST ! haha. when you asked me what was i wearing around my wrists. and you hold them .. it was super GENTLE. GAHH ~ hah. well lets just say that my legs were shivering , weak. well that is what i felt on that day. i ll never forget it. i was super shy when you helped me wipe the MUTTON SOUP ? at my shirt. it was SUPER EMBARRASSING. and i liked it. lol. the wind is at fault ! it was super strong. oh well , i love that day , and i cant get over it. you are always on my mind. i never felt this way before. LIKE N E V E R . i love you <3
thanks for everything. ALL THE TREATS. eventhough i feel kinda bad.. hah. :D
and i am sorry that i didnt open up much to you. i will open up to you soon, :D there is like alot of things you dont know about me. HAHA, ( i think )

oh well , just so you know , i miss you so god damn much ! GAH~ , I AM ALWAYS WAITING FOR YOUR TEXT AND CALLS :D . cause i love it :D xoxo.

Its nerve wrecking to have high hopes for something that you really want , which seems to be impossible for you to achieve it.  The hurtings you will recieve after knowing and realising , the truth of all truth. Im not hoping high in alot of things. In alot of all different stuffs.

SO ! On thursday night , it was the BEST NIGHT E V E R !!! Lol. Went to the skatepark , well , lets just say , I am super intrested in IN LINE SKATING. this guy was SUPER AWESOME . WELL , not the person , just HIS GOD DAMN.AWESOME SKILLS !! Freaaak ! Awesome. Hahaha. So me and alif is WAY ENGAGED TO THE SKATE SKILLS THERE , while sherry and ifa ,was god damn bored there. Hahaha ! Sorry guys , heh. Ouh ! and there was this guy , who skates infrnt of us , and trying to land like HUGE TRICKS. Apparently , he dosent , always FAIL ! Hah. And he kept looking at us. Like ,wtf ?.sorry dude.. We're bot interested. Muahaha ! Ouh , and most epic thing happened , The board breaks.in to two. ! Haha ! Infront of us , and me and alif was like ... OUUUUH , UR DECK PATAH !! Hahahaha. Confirm it will be the most embarassing moment in his upcoming life. Haaahaha ! Sadened. Lol ! ~

I am superly tired this past few days. Am I just thinking to much ?

Am I scared of being hurt ?

Am I Prepared for all the bullshits that is coming my.way ?

Am I able to bring myself up after I fall ?

Where am I going with my life ?

Have I love myself ?

All of those questions keeps lingering on my mind. Whats with all of this ? GAHHH ~

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You thought us to stand for our rights.

But when I did it , u said.i was wrong , and.look at the situation. The situation that time was superly unacceptable. I was shouted ny my aunt , and knowing the side story from my mum tonight.. I WAS RIGHT ! I know what I heard is true . I was never WRONG.

I cried tonight. Knowing my mum always says im in the wrong , and knowing that she never stand up for me the previous day when.the incident happened. She shouted at me saying im rude. What is this all about. You , said that I am unable to.take care.of you when.u grow into your old age. U never given me any trusts and hope. You only feel and think I am unable to do things. U never supported me in everything I do. U didnt let me do the things I want. But everything I do , where I follow ur instructions , instead of encouraging me to.do better , u critisize my doings. U nagged about all the things I did wrong. NEVER did you bring out the moments I did the right things. I dont know how long can I keep this things any longer. The one reason.. I never share alot of things to you because , I know , you wont understand it. You only living my life because you dont want anything to go wrong.. JUST SO YOU KNOW.. I am suffocating enduring all this bullshits. I really wish I could just breakaway from everything , and just Have the opportunity to LIVE MY OWN LIFE. thats all I wanted. Just that. Have trusts and hope on to me. Support in everything I do.

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Day and night I think,about you.

You,is all,i am looking forward this past 10 days. Hearing your voice that enlightens my day. Changes my,worse day to a better day. Thank you for everything. I really love it. Eventhough there will be some awkward silences on the phone , and all your bunkmates that made a very,hectic environment. Haha , I really love it. Knowing that your having a good time with your bunkmates. Thats what ensure me that you are.doing great . U kept complaining that its tiring N stuffs. And that you wanted to go home , well .. Haha. I cant do anything but just to encourage.you,from far. I  really excited.for sunday. HAHAHA. hopefully it will be a great day. ;D.

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Dont think this is your house means you are always right. I will always fight for myself when I am right. You said it yourself , "ciksu jumpe condom at alif jeans" Now then want say that I say anyhow. Shout at me saying im rude and stuffs. Well , Fuck U !! I dont mind shouting back at you cause I know what I hear. U said "CIKSU" . And u told me at the study room where ure cleaning it and where alif puts his jeans at.  U JUMP IN A CONCLUSION. Thinking of something worse. I have been enduring being patient towards your freaking attitude. I FUCKING AM STUPID FOR KEEPING YOUR FUCKING LIES TOWARDS MY MUM. WELL I AM HAPPY I TOLD HER WITHOUT YOU KNOWING ! I glad I did. Well , atleast I didnt keep secrets from my own family members. Secrets that will,ruin the family . Atleast ! I wont negelect my own child when I grow up.. Atleast I am not BIASED as you. U have gone too far. I dont like getting stepped on , and critisizing me when I,am right ! U are not worthy to do that. I know I am rude . I know that , but I HAVE TO STAND FOR MY RIGHTS ! I am,not like my mother. Just so you know  your own son hated you. Ouh , and fyi , this so called "home" is nothing near HOME. This is more like HELL. I cant stand all,this bullshit that is happening. ARGGHHHH ~

I used to tell you about what I,am facing right now , but now, I dont think I will tell you. I guess ure not treating me as your listening,ears .. So why should I ? U dont even bother to even look for me when it all pass. Hah! How silly am I ? I just want to tell you that  I have gound someone better than you. Like what you said. And I am very happy with him. Eventhough all of his past is that worse than yours , I kinda fond it really intresting. And wanting to,know more about him. I dont feel butterflies when I met you. But I,did feel butterflies when I met him. The warmth whenever im around him , all of his smiles and laughters. I love everything about him. I dont feel the same way when I am around you. I am so STUPID to even cry for you. All my tears just went to waste. FUCK ! I,cant believe it. I was SO STUPID. YES. STUPID. DUMB. EVERYTHING THAT HAVE TO DO WITH STUPIDITY = ME.

AND FYI. I am happy now. I never regret anything ever since I met him. So , hopefully you will find someone better than me. HAHA. someone that is not that STUPID as me to fall for you.  

What I am feeling right now , is I am waiting for my knight,to,rescue me from this problems. From everything,even it is a short period of time.

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Why am I always comparing myself towards my sister ? She have everything . She is so perfect. She always get what she wants. She have an awesome art skills , she can sing , play the guitar. Sometimes I feel that I am not as good as her. So what if I am good in studies than her ?.it dosent make myself much better than her.

After all the awkwardness I face yesterday, I realised something .

I,realised that I am a boring person. Seriously. I am just plain boring. I kept quiet all the time. I am not friendly , I never liked to Be so CHEERFUL and random at strangers like how my sister is. She is just fun ? I just dont know how should I explain what I am feeling right now. Its unexplainable. Serious. Im tearing up. Like seriously. I want to let everything out. Everything. When that day come , I bet ill be in tears. Seriously.

ARGGHHHHH ~ I hate this. I hate this so much. Sometimes I wonder wether all of this is just to make me stronger or weaker. For all I see now , it is just tearing me apart. Real bad.

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i did`nt update my blog yesterday because my phone is so fucked up.
was super frustrated. HAHA. feel like changing my phone. Dell is so not my favorite.
MISERABLE!~ regret choosing it as my phone. GAH ~
so anyways yesterday and TODAY was super slacking. except for the going home part.. that was like an ambush made by the customer. WRONG TIMING PEOPLE ~
saw like a few of my schoolmates. HAHA. sorry peeps, you may be my SCHOOLMATE ~ but i dont know you and i am not close to you guys ~ so dont act as though i know you guys ~ ITS A NO NO !!

so tomorrow is the day where MY LOVE ONES will be going off. My bffl is going to KL and Dany is going for his NS :/ . It is the worst thing which i can really feel right now.
it feels so suckish. Really. I wish I can handle all the misses i have towards them

TODAY IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

I had a date with DANY ! Well kinda .. I think,? But,whatever , gonna take it as a date though (: I know more about him now . Faris and jingting joined us later in the part of the day~ which I feeel REAAAALLLLY left out. Cause I am not close with them. Hahahaha ~ and I am not like them. Haha. Feel very , plain.? Their lives are filled with Fun,clubbing.and stuffs. Haha.~ I am not surprise. Hah ~  We watched breaking dawn part 1 today. Feel bad about choosing it cause they have watched it ~ oppps :X it was awesome and I am kinda EXCITED for part two. JACOB IS SOOOO PROTECTIVE. Haha. Emmett is the BEST <3. Alice cut her hair , but still pretty awesome I should say (: . After all that  they send me home , which I feel rather surprised. Hahaha ! No one ever send.me.back home till near my void deck . Seriously. Hahaha. I AM.SO NOT MYSELF WHEN THEY ARE AROUND. hahaha !~

Ps: Dany , if ure reading this , read below.

I dont ever want to stop loving you because of your past. I believe that you have changed . The past is just a past. Its who you are now .. I never feel any regrets in liking you ~ I love you for who you are. Your flaws are just a part of you. Your flaws that made you who you are. If I can accept your flaws , I can accept you ~ Cause for all that matters , I will still love you , unconditionally. I may sound so corny , but cmon , its the truth. Haha. Youre the most weird? Unique , funny , Good guy I ve ever known. You always giving me butterflies whenever I looked into your eyes. The warm.feeeling when.u smile. Haha! seriously.

Okay , I must stop here before u blush so much. Im losing my AWESOMENESS. HAHAHA. cmon. Lets keep on replaying bella snap breaking spine (: HAHAHAA.

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So , everything I do , is always wrong.. But u expect me to do better than others ? what is that about ? I dont even.know if I can handle all of this pressure u given me. I am not that strong just so you know. What my sister did , you never even.realise. It is always me u aimed at. What I do , how I wear my jeans ... My bracelets ... My taste in things. Can you just face the fact that I am not into sophiscated stuffs , I am not into arts , I am not into jewelries , I am not into chocolates ~ I never will ~ I dont have any of your interests in stuffs ~ ifa loves all the things you love. You guys are INCREDIBLE in art. You guys are an artists.~ you guys love jewelries , all those sophiscated stuffs, chocolates ~ I am not like you guys ~ Why did you even putting alot of pressure into me ? I have no talent in music. You are always proud of ifa ~ her art piece you put it at our living rooom and stuffs. You never once put anything about my achievements. You only tell people I got a scholarship ? ~ you always tell others that Ifa always wanted to be NAFA ~ but you didnt even tell people where I wanna go. Or continue my studies. I didnt make you proud didnt I ? You always treated me unfairly. Even ifa disobeyed and always answered you ~ you never even scolded her like how you scolded me. I feel so outcast. Its like you giving me all the pressure to me but you didnt even proud of me . Please. All I want is just you to feel proud of my achievements. Support me.

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Hey , so a lot of things have happened and i am TOO busy with my life .
been working..~
Tuesday is his last day at work. Sad huh ?
I am gonna miss him so so so so badly. :/
so yeah. he gave me Penguin toy and he bought pizza for my mum :D . Apparently, i find penguins super cute !
i am loving it so much. everytime i wake up in the morning , with MR. PENGUIN IN MY HANDS.. it is just sooo Urgh ! Incredible. it just reminds me of him. <3.
so where is this going ? i dont know, i just cant wait for Monday. :D .
i know ill freeze up and i bet ill be very quiet, HAHA. i will try to be the bubbly me,
haha ! hopefully,

so, Nini is a very funny girl. i love her self-esteem :D she is just too awesome. She dosent feel bad about her size. she love the way she is. i wish i am her, I am always worrying about what people thinks about me because people always judge, including me. HAHAH, its kinda funny when i tought about how humans react to each other, lol ! ouh , and i am wondering if that one day , humans in the world will be treated fairly ? like there will be no minister and someone with high pay , like.. everything and everyone is the same. NO RICH , NO POOR ..just the same ? wouldnt that be a better world ? There wont be any wars and stuffs like that. Imagine .. A world without money.? HAHAHA ~ seriously , i cant imagine. ahahha. wait i think i can .. but it is SUPERLY not logical.


So today is Alfiq's birthday and i SERIOUSLY dont know what to buy for him ? Oh no no , no games please. HE HAVE WAY TOOO MUCH GAMES ! ~ NO NO. haha , hmmm.. should ask alfiq. LOL. ~ suggestions ? so , had dinner and mum cooked chicken rice Because its his birthday, TOTAL UNFAIRNESS ! ~ she never cooked something special for my birthday ): haha ~ THIS IS UNFAIRRRRR ~ okay , lets just dont brood over it okay ? heh, i love the food but ... i didnt enjoy it that much. thanks to someone. I wont forgive and forget you. seriously. Urgh,
just ate pizza :D Yum yum. Sarpino :D
now i am already tooo full ...
HAHA :D . Hopefully tmrw will be a great day :D
Mum planed to go out with only FOUR of us .. tmrw and have our lunch together, ahhh... some Family bonding time i guess ? ive missed it :/

So what is left now is just scars. let time heal it. it may heal my scars but i wont ever forget it, remember that.

Hey,
so today went out with BFFLS <3
went changi in the morning and off to town.
went to Shaw lido to say HI at him. i swear , it is nerve-wrecking, i was literally shivering , and it is hard for me to utter a word. my brain was filled with words but my lips are somehow sealed. it Is REALLY AWKWARD. when i look into his eyes, i went silent. why ? i dont really know the reason why.
My friends felt that my standards in Liking a boy have dropped drastically.
what matter now , which i really believe in now , is how their hearts is. He is really nice , i wont deny that.
i am sure gonna miss him. feel like hanging out with him.
we chatted on twitter yesterday.. we give some hints to each other. but none of us really hope so much about it . what am i going to do ?

i am currently waiting for his texts. wondering will he ever text me. he asked for my number yesterday. i was so happy , but .. am i Hoping so much about it ? i should not right ? like , cmon.. i must learn my mistakes from the previous times i have hoped so much about something really can affect me so much. i always have this fast warm heartbeat when looking at new tweets at my twitter account. the warm feeling where i really wished i saw your tweets. What is all of this things happening to me? i wish i could just tell you how i really feel but this courage in me wouldn't rise up to the challenge, i am like a timid mouse hiding from a huge lion.

So i don`t know where this thing going .
about me liking Dany. i don`t know if i should really believe in what my heart says.
he is giving me signs . he said he missed me . he is going to NS soon. and i am sure i am gonna miss him so so so so so much. i guess it would`nt be the same as before .
he have made me love the job i am in right now . and the fact that he is going . i dont know if i can make it the way i know i can do it when he is near me . he have helped me alot. taught me alot of things i dont know. I am really thankful for that.
the first time we talked , it really made me having butterflies in my stomach. i really wanted to talked to you . but i cant find the right words to make it out of me.
i really want to go out with him one day. watch movies or something.
want to know more about him.
haha. well cut all this crappy talk.


Tomorrow i will be going out with baby Girlfriend`s :D
going to Changi airport and to lido , i just want to see his face one last time. before i never get to see him anymore on the 8th of December.
Problem is , I DON`T KNOW WHAT TO WEAR !! My goodness !! Never mind , BFFL will be coming my house early in the morning at 9am. HEHE. my savour.
so yea. hopefuly tmrw will be a great day for me :)

So I just find out the truth ,

He dosent have any Gf . So I was kinda happy and at the same time not hoping and.putting tooo much high hopes. He going to NS sooon . Onthe 8th of december , and I dont know if I can take it. I want to asl for his twitter account. But I am afraid. I must be brave arent I ? I must find the courage to do so. I just have to.

So this past few days , there is alot of problems going about at alifs life. its all a misunderstanding. Just PURE EPIC MISUNDERSTANDING. Met sabrina two days back. On monday.

She is perfect for Him. But ... If alif to liked her , he just cant . Its like his Bros quote between their group. Long story. But I feel him. I will try my best to look out for him and always support his back. Im always here for him.

Im having cough and flu right now. And this cough Is getting on my nerves. Feel like slaughtering my throat into pieces. Haahaha. so yeah , updated my blog now , as my sis just finish bathing coming back from her prom. And seriously .. she looks better than me when I was having my prom. Lucky ass. Heh. <3 I did all her make ups and pick out a good outer shirt for her dress. I have sucessfully changed my plain jane into so me one new and better. Yey ! Welldone me !

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So today, worked as ushering. Disnt update my blog as I was tired and totally forgotten till the next day.

I dont know what is up with me this past few days, I didnt pay attention much to what everyone is telling me. What is wrong with me ?

Today , I have to pay 10 bucks, to the promoter. Like , WOAH. after my sis written down her name. Like , omg. What have I done ????!!!!

I hate myself for that. Seriously. Regret.. In my heart I was like , O M G . WHAT DID I JUST DO ?????

I feel like crying . I feel like shouting . I feel like running away. Damn.

Lesson learn, I neeed to be more aware and careful. I hate myself, I hate myself . I hate myself. I hate myself. ARGGHHHHHH ~

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I did.not update my blog for a long time because im buzy lately ? And Im forgetful . HAH ! I have forgotten to update ! My GOSH ! Lol. So , yeahhh ..worked today at movie bites. And I know im gonna go to CSO one day , and I am.afraid... Afraid. Seriously , cause , sis have already learning to do that. Its her second day too ! Fyi. Urgh , cowardness suc

SO. Tmrw will be REST day. No work till monday that is. Heh. So okay, great. Rest rest rest, I need to read some boooks. Seriously.

I cant believe what I am saying right now , but , yeahhh , I really miss studying. I cant think and know more stuffs. I filled with questions !! O M G , what have school done to me ????! Thirtsy for knowledge !!!

Wooaah :O, oh , thats abit exaggerating. LOL. so yeah , gonna read up on my encylopedias at home. Yes , I do have an encyclopedia. About everything. Bought it since im primary one ?

To be honest , I havent read it since  pri 4 ? HAHAHA ! Its like 6 years !! Woaaah . Call me nerd , but hey , nerds are smart ass people. And I am one of them. :D

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It hurts to know the truth. The truth hurts. But look at the bright side , I m not hoping to much. Really , teenagers life is full of problems.

the question is ,

Why am I always wanting to have someone in my life ? to be in a relationship.. Why ? I have always want someone to be with me , where someone can really understands me.

But .. The problem is , there is no one who does.

For what I see now , is just me. And my friends. I am always hoping to have someone in my life which will stay by my side. There is alot of things revolving around my mind. Hoping , wishing.. Nothing came true. Let me just be in love with anime's its better that way. I know its sounds crazy .. But , its better that way.

I felt that i am not fun to be with.

Im just someone. Typical someone. Inside me just want to burst out everything , to enjoy life. To be more courages. To be more confident. I wish I am , but im not putting any actions. This is just hopeless.

I wanna talk to someone so badly.

But idk who.

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Sorry I didnt update my blog yesterday I am sick. Having fever soar throat and flu. Hah ! I hated it. This combination sucks. So yeaaaah, I went to work yesterday , it was supposed to be mh full shift but , I asked to go home at at 430.as I am nor feeling well. Ouh , it was hell alright. I was sooooo sleeeepy and my eyes keep on tearing. My body is all cold and my legs are aching. Regretted for a moment for coming to work. Hah. Today is my afternoon shift. So I will be back at night. Heh. Yesterday was super awkward. Between me and him. We didnt talk .. Cause maybe there is mum . I missed him.. Hah ! I just dont know why. Hmm. hopefully today the time flies fast , cause I just got better for my fever . But I'm still weak. Drats.

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So today is just a typical sunday. Didnt go out . I guess everybody is so lazy and tired to even go out. Hah ! Slept at my grandma's rooom. So today will be sleeping at my rooom. Alfiq and sue have came back from melacca. Drats... Didnt get to party at home without him at home. Sometimes life without them.would be more peaceful . Hmm . So basically tmrw will be my last O level paper. Im.kinda nervous for my results eventhough its during january . Mid january. Hmm.

Nothing much to update about.

Download songs to ny phone. So there would be more variety of songs to listen to .

I guess ure always on my mind today. I guess its just so obvious. I just need to let it all out. Will be meeting sheila in the morning. So I guess ill pour out everything. If I can do it. Sometimes... I wanna tell about it . It just wont let go. Why ?

I always found it hard to stop thinking about u. It just come in naturally . Its not enough for me to look into ur eyes. Watch u smile. I love it. I simply love it. The way u called me... Hmm. I simply love it. I dont even know why. I just did.

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Today is my second day at work , I think I had fun . He came today. Was super surprised ! He CAME! I dont even know why I am soooo happy. Urgh. Lol. So yeah , we talked for awhile , he have helped me alot. Like alot. I have to thanked him for being so.helpful. Heh. So yeahh , some customers are asking for me to slap their face. Nnever know some people still do exist ! So sunday and monday no work , and that ... Tuesday is Full Shift. Woaaah. Its gonnna be tiring . So so tiring.

I am thinking to ask him his twitter . To follow .  But I am afraid. =/ I dont know why. Haha ! I dont mind getting to know him better. He is such a gentlemen. I think he is already taken . So im not hoping tooo much.

Im sick and tired of getting hurt over and over again. It sucks like totally. T O T A L L Y. I am afraid I wont get back up like how I used to or even stronger than I was before.

I cant take all of it . I will burst out crying. My heart is so fragile. I hated it. So much.

Hopefully Tuesday will be a great day. :D <3 <3

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Something inside me,my heart wants me to not tell you what have happened in my life , what I am feeling right now..not towards you but , what I am feeling towards HIM. I dont know if this is like a typical crush or what ?. I just love it the way he looks at me . Smiles and laughed.  The way his presence making me feel that I will be alright when he is around. What I really think towards life. To show you my blog. The words I cant tell you in text messages. This is just where I can pour everything out.

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Hey so , today was my first day at work .. And im kinda suck at it. Maybe because im kinda a nooob at it. Lol. Im a noob I got to admit it. So my partner named , Dany ? Is that how we spelled it ? Lol. So yeahhh.. He taught me everything I need to know. Hmmm. So happy that I got to watched Tin Tin .. Eventhough I hate it at first. He asked me to watch it. So yeah.. Watched and I loved It. He even.bring me a popcorn.... Weird ..... And awkward... Lol. So yeah. one thing I learned , DONT JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER ! Haha ! So , tnrw will be in the afternoon shift ... And I dont know who are the rest .. And worst of all .. Im the only girl. You know me , I dont mix with people that easily. Seriously. OMG ! Just praying that I wont screw up. GAHHHHH !! Oh , fyi, he saw TED MOSEBY IN PERSON, THE GUY IN "HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER" ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!! Damn. he is sooooo lucky =..= .

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Okay , so.its midnight now , and im not asleeep yet. What is wrong with me. My body clock seems to be runnibg wild these few days , I have to work tmrw and im acting up all of these nuisance. So , basically I am afraid of tmrw. Will I be able to work with the other guys ?.like , cmon ... Im the only one who is a girl there and others are like boys. WOAH. I am unable to smile to people easily its merely impossible.hmmm. I need to be more friendly. I am im a school where all the students are just so ... Hmm. Lets just say not in my ideal part in circle of friends . They are just a typical common schoolmates. There are the Popular ones , the whole gang part , "dancers" and also not forgetting MnMs , which well known as .. "Gangsters" yeaaahhh. Who will ever forgotten about them ? =.= most ... Irritating groups. Im one of those who is in the Invinsible group. I dont like people to notice me. Attentions are just waaaayyy to freakky. All eyes on you . Woah. Major distraction. Haha ! I always wabted to be in a jamming band or a hip hop dancer. I love to do all of those but afraid of what people think of me. Brrr. I just have to face my own fears one day.

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So , here I am again.. Well currently I am at isetan lido. Im  waiting for my mum and sis. They will finish their work at 530 ? So yeah. Tmrw will be my first day working here.. And guess what ?i will be in ushering. Like Whuat ??? I dont want that section. Its soooo boring. Hey wait , so tmrw is friday , and that means that its FRIDAY NIGHT. woooooooah. Hell no. daamn. Wait , I dont know if I should be happy or ? If im ushering, that would mean I can talk to awesome cute boys. Eh , im not being flirty or anything but I have to look at the bright side of life right ? I am being positive am I ?

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It is almost 1130,

Sister is not back.home yet.

I thought that my bro will be fetching her there . But I was wrong. Wrong !

Hmm. Maybe i am someone who is giving wrong information on something. Because.of me , my sis had to miss her bus. What have I done. Guilty starts to build inside me. Im.soooooo hopeless. Everytime I want to help.. It just turns bad. I might as well not help. Let it all.be as what it is..But , I cant bear to see people in need of help. I wish someday that my helpness will somewhat make their way to help that person. In some other ways and some other time. I really wish it would. Im sooo careless at times.

My friends usually called ne as the strongest one.. But they dont know that what they see inside is not who I am inside. I am so weak in the inside. My weakness is all so obvious. One hit and ill be as weak.as twig. I may break.. But I will.never get to fix myself up. I cant stand strong .. Emotions running wild. I am.unable to control everything. Hoping that I will someday be useful.and.stronger.as I am.before.  Nothing can reaallly able to make me as who I am.before. Or isit because of my education now that make me this way ? All.so tensed and afraid of what lies ahead of me. my fears are alot. I wish also one day I am able to face up to all my fears. Maybe , hopefully.

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So here I am updating my blog again . Revising ..for my papers tomorrow. And also waiting for my sis from work. I dont know if this is a good.idea, cause.most prolly...she will be home midnight. And my papers are like 8 in the morning.

Nvm. Sacrifice. So... Hopefully I wil" get the marks I want. Caramel frappe are my favs. Especially.statbucks . Hmm. Yums.

You might think I wont know .. But my feelings are mostly true. my feelings can feel the truth while u are lying. Please. Just stop all of these dramas. I dont really mind if you really like him. Like cmon, I dont waste my time on him. I dont really love him. Its just a crush. I cant even imagine myself being with him . Its fading .. My feelings towards him is fading. U can have him all to urself. Cause real man cant be stolen. And my mum taught me to give away old toys to someone less fortunate. Sometimes I do feel that u are nowhere near my ideal friend. Friends dont lie to each other. =.= its sooooo immature. Psh. Thinking all of this stuffs just making me feel that you are just a two face @$&_: . Im sorry but this is how I feel towards you. Dont bother coming near me. I wont entertain such person.

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So today will be my Sister first day at work. and here iam still with my laptop .
tomorrow will be MT paper .. for MY MAJOR EXAM . yes i retaking it.
hmm i guess that .. i can get an A1 .
i am lacking of motivation .. i just hit a nail on its head. MOTIVATION.
no one seems to motivate me anymore .
there is nothing to keep me moving forward.. all i get is just stress. People keep on pressurizing me to do better. only tell the bad side of everything . the negative side i would say. People all around me teaches me to be pessimistic. Never in my life i see someone so Positive. I wish i had one friend which is Positive thinking. so they can help me to be one too. i need my own initiative .. to do it . to be Positive, its hard. it will be easier if actions is easier than words.

So today have been quite a tiring day for me .
wore heels for the first time, and i am not regretting preferring sneakers over heels .
Heels are just making me feel more pain.. seriously.
its nice on me though but nah , i`ll pass , cause i don`t wanna look good if i feel pain. seriously . it won`t bring us any good.
looking for a job is so hard. even tough that i already have one .. which is at LIDO Imax. hmm .maybe in life u cant get waht u want huh ?
u have to work hard for it , to achieve what we really want .
so i just had my dinner. Umm yum yum.
while listening to music .. here i am updating ..
actualy , everytime i hear music .. alot of things is running through my mind.
im always thinking of something ...
reoccuring all the memories.
i always re read our old conversations.
i miss you all that . i Miss having someone where i can talk about everything.
being random at times.
i guess people wont know how i really felt.
i wanna scream it all out .. but something is blocking it.
there is some boundaries , a invisible wall covering all of scream .
where people wont be able listen.
Inside have been wanting to break free , I guess i dont really know.
i wanna feel freedom. I wanna Be who i really am.
but there are always things happened which i felt make me went back inside my
shell.
i dont know ? Thats just how i feel.
When i want to say something .. i just dont know how to elaborate it more . making people feeling hang. Or isit just me ? Feeling so paranoid.
i need to let loose. Of everything .
may my future of my life will be better, that is what i only wish for.

Hey ,
okay , sometimes i feel not to trusts you .
i don`t know why but my feeling felt that way.
my mind and heart is working together now . Weird ?
usually my heart and mind wont work together as they both have different perspective towards a particular problem . Hmm .
i guess i just have to sit back and let it all low. Like how you acted in front of me every time . its just adding more clues to what i am suspecting.
I hope i wont make the wrong choice. oh and i am really sorry if i don`t trusts you like how i used to.. i guess things change. Sometimes things changed for a reason,
well my reason ? let just keep it to myself, one thing for sure its not about how i am felling towards boys and all stuffs . i just noticed something in you which i really think that all you want is just attention ? hmm . maybe what i am facing now is just a wrong conclusions, i really really really Don`t know. i may be wrong , but for what i see now... i am still sticking to my opinion, unless you told me otherwise , explain everything, I may be paranoid though. who would`nt be right ?
everyone dosen`t want to get hurt over and over again they really feel that they might get tricked and lied to . Hell ? Yeah , let me just say .. since i know you .. you are making my life as living in hell. i am sorry.

Okay , so O level is ending.
i cant wait, wanna get myself into Long boarding,
hehe. cant wait, :D <3
okay so ... my life now is just revolving around alot of dramas,
i hate it so much . but sometimes life without dramas will be very boring .
maybe .. this is just what life is about.
all the backstabbing. which friends make to each other,
nice in the front ..in our backs ? they are someone you never know, or maybe we are just blind by the lies they made ?
sometimes all of these questions are just making us doubt ourselves.
hmm , i don`t know . maybe i am that weak ? in this kid of life stuffs.
sometimes i just need someone to tell me what is right and wrong ?
doing the right things sometimes make us feel wrong. Life is so contradicting.
i juts scared of what lies at my future.
i am afraid that my future wont be as something i want.
hmmm. scared that i wont be someone that i have always wanted .
life is the script that we write ourselves. its how we want it to be .
but .. i don`t know what really am good at. what i love ..im still searching what i am really is.
my fantasies kept me moving on.
ALL those dreams i dreamt is juts telling me something.. but i don`t know what is trying to tell me.
i still learning to love myself, i guess i love myself more than i used to be. that is a good thing that had happened in my life. I have wonderful friends behind me.
But some are just to .. i cant explain. they just trying to sow me something. I dot know.. are they trying to show me their true colors ? their true self ? I may never know. What must i do ? oh well .of what i am doing right now ? it is just GO WITH THE FLOW ~

HYA :D
okays so today , sunday 6.38pm
HHAHHA ! . went to malaysia at ard 6 am ?
yeahh , we went there to have our breakfast plus , paying our johore house
bills . hehe :D . I kinda miss my jhr house right now . HAIST :(
okay watevs , so after that , went home ard 11am ?
yeahh . so , ard 12 ? went out again .. went to Hougang mall . mom made
a dentist appointment .
after had her dentist appointment , we went to have our lunch at ZAM ZAM :D <3
OMG ! I LOVE THAT PLACE <3 <3 <3 <3
i ate briyani rice . WEEEEEE~ HAPPPPYYY !!~
so YAHHH ! this one man , the waiter accidentaly hit the cup filled with coffee ,
and it fell on that guy , and he MADE A REALLYY BIG FUSS !
the waiter said sorry , and he told every waiter in that room that he never even say sorrryyy !! AS IF HE IS A FREAKING VIP . Tahhh ~ and he say if he could buy another shirt for him , LIKE CMON ~ ur shirt is not even that expensive , i bet he bought it at any night market :O BOOOO ~ (N) .
his bag is not even branded !
and he told everyone ... EVERYONE ! ~~



GISH I JUST WISH THAT WAITER REALLLY PUSH HIM REAL HARD !
Fyi , the wiater size is like 3 times of him .
URGH ! ad the waiter is MUCH MORE GOOOD LOOKING THAN HIM !
and that stupid man daughter is such a brat . hahaha !
she weas jeweleries as if she is and adult . SERIOUSLY ? REALLY ?
im much more older than her but she wears more jeweleries than me.
WHAAAT ? HAHHA
okay , shall stop talking about them , i bet i can literally
go crazyy remmber what had happened , PSSSSHHH ~
so yeah .
WATCHING TRANSFORMERS TMRW :D <3 ..
YEAAYYYY ! EXCITED :D
going to watch it with Fudge , chocolate , Tiramisu and me :D
AAHHH . PHYSCED . V(^o^)v
SO TILL HERE :D
TODDLES :D






look out for my next update :D .
(^_^)v

HELLOOO !
so yeah , here i am again . Saturday today . 718pm.
AHMAD JUST GAVE ME VANS SHOE FOR MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT .
DAMN HAPPPPPYY :DDDD
if only DD , is still with me now , ):
i bet i let him know how happpyy i am and he will understand ):
i miss all those times ):
just hoping he will come back :D .
in a meantime , imma gona concentrate on my studies . NO REGRET !
so yeah , today went to town with my new kicks :D . HEHE .
i simply lovvvee it :D . its in dark blue tho :D .
HAHA. so yeah , went to takka , ion , wheelock , isetan :D .
HAHA . such a wonderful place :) .
so after town , went to the neighbourhood mall at lot one .
MET PAPA there , had some drinks at mac cafe :D .
DOUBLE CHOC FRAPPE :D YUM YYUUUMM . ( in love with this )
saw Daryll :)
HE SO CUTE NOW :D
LOL . okay watevs ,
took bus and head home .
SAW THIS VERYY GOODLOOKING BOYY ! OMG .
MELTS :D he stand beside me ?? AHHHHH~~~
happygirl94 .
okay . well , conclusion : SUCH A FUN DAY :D
GOING MALAYSIA TMRW ! WEEE~
so yeah till here :D . wann pray :D . BYESS ~ :D

HEYA!
so im back ,, for another update . now its like 915pm ..
and having my Yoghurt mask on my face ! :D
haha . its refreshing ..plus it works wonderfully
on my face . haha ! LOOOOOVVEEE IT <3
anws , im just updating my blog as i think i should ..
LOL . cause .. there is no where i can write all my Thoughts ..
and day . well , except for my diary .. which . IDK
what happened to it . HAHA ! . havent been updating my Blog this past few weeks ..
HAH . cause im busy with studying .
June holidays goona finish reaaaaaaal sooooon .
Tmrw is the last day of holidays .
AND THERE IS NO TURNING BACK :O
have to focus more on my studies .. which i think
i am so laaaidd back .. and also not ready to face the O's.
haha . okay well thats kinda cute .. callingthe O level .. MR Os . haha
okok . shall officialy stop all my LAME-A-TIVITY .
LAME ~
haha . sis and i make this word . Creative right ? I KNOW !
haha .
June holdays ive been studying as what i write above.
AHAH . made a few studyy group . With roy and Ruqoiyah .
Its kinda PRODUCTIVE . WELL VEEELLLY
so yeah. shall do English afer this UpdaTe. i must FOCUS ! dang
which i find it verryy hard .
so ya .. till here . Bye :D

HEY ,
okay .. well . how to start ?
i dont know how to start .. just that .. i FLUNKED
yes F L U N K E D my freaking mid year . :/ .
omg. its bad like TOTALLLYY. failed almost everything, shall
stop using my ipod and start to mugg . MUG LIKE THERES NO DAY ! .
hahha , nah , i wont , LOL . im not that nerdy ,
just working hard . for my prelims. kinda woried for my malay ,
as it is on the 30th may , haha , 10 more days !
AHHHHHH ! OMG OMG .
so yeah , WORK HARD .
yeah , so i shall on my lappy like every weekend ?. for like 2 hrs ? only ?. hahha !
guess ill have to spend more time on books than my lappy .
sory lappy . i have to spend less time with you , ehehe !
Finally , im able to move on , not missing him that much well .
life have to move on right ?
but sometimes i does keep rushing back to me . hah .
SO yah ! . i have my LOVELY friends .
so they wll distract me about thinkinng about him . hehe .
I <3 my BEST FRIENDS <3<3 .
haha . btw , MY BirtHdAY IS 3 MORE DAYS !!
EXCITED ! :D .
hehe . still dont know what should i ask from my mom for my birthday present PLUS
my N level Present, AHHH ! :O .
HAHHA . i want ABBEY DAWN can ?? urgh .
haha .
nvm. shall talk about it again with my mom later . ahhaha
so till here . sha updateyou later bloggy . HEHE :D

HEY ,
okay after so long not updating you , i feel kinda guilty , heh,
GUESS WHAT ?! its END Of MID YEAR EXAMINATION ! :D WOOOOOOTS !
yeah , so now im just preparing myself for the bad results ,
cause have not been revising my work ,
its O level this year , and im still not prepared, im just too laid back ,
im lacking of nmotivation . like seriously , urgh , someone please motivate me ?!
facebook have been being such AN ass to me ! sysytem keep on aborting ,
currently lisetening to the best Damn thing by my favourite IDOL ! <3 . AVRIL LAVIGNE !! hahah ! WOOOTS . goona check my mail , later . ehe . wether they replied me ? haha . okayy ,, school have been very fun for me :D ? .hahah .
nothing actually happen , but yeah , i love it . as to know , i hate to be Seen or even noticed by people. kinda Bugged me , haha ! , well , i think i just dont lke people to know me , haha. wow right ? okay .. i just sound so arrogant , im an arrogant bitch am i ? HAHHA ! . guess so ? LOL . im talking crap everytime , omg. hahhaha ! . my friends and i now .. are kinda open , we talk about everyting . HAHA ! . WOOOTS :D . they say im wicked ? haha , cause i usually talk crap al the time hahaha ! . well . thats kinda good tho , usuallyy im all emoo . hahah ! . well i do typd alot forthis post . hahha ! ok shall stop here . wanacheck my mail :D . BYES


-iikaa- xoxo

HEy :D .
okay .. tosay is satuday and i am wayy laid back .?
you can say that .. haha
tuesday will behaving my SS and Chemistry paper .. and i didnt evn start revising instead i went out . HAHA .! what the hell right ?.
Kinda feel guilty tho .
wel.. nvm shalll study at night till midnight ?.
try to revise as much as possible . okay im off .
wan havbe my shower now . HAIR IS SOO OILY ! AHHHH ! . haah . bye !:D

HEY .
here i am again , in Blog .
eventhough i already have my twitter account .
LOL . im so greedy ! Urgh ! .
Joking :P .
well .. life have been hard for me .
i miss him alot .
he have to leave to concentrate on his exams.
wondering wether , he is thinking about me,
ir he just forget about me .
Alot of Drama's hapenned .. since last year .
2011 , i think it would be agoood year . but nothing
good happen yet .
hoping for the best now .
Now only my friends are the one i can depend on ,they
cant stop to making me smile ..
eventhough my life is crumbling down.
sadness fill me .
pain ,
im grateful that they are here with me .
Because of them , i forget all my pain .
thanks for everything .