why do i always feel that i am invisible to everyone around me. its like as if .. i dont really exist. its really sad for me. I dont really wish to have alot of attention. i just need few of it. not like NOTHING at all. why is everything not going my way. sometimes i really do feel its Its UNFAIR ! really. everything bad happens to me.


so I REALLY WANT TO CATCH THE DEVIL INSIDE movie. watched the trailer in seems to be AWESOME . and it is only ..hmmm. NC16. hahha! awesome ! i also would like to watch STAR WARS! anyone want to watch with me ?

i miss you . i really do. but .. urgh ~ why do i even bother ? ure dont even care about me. u never do. i dont get why you must be so mean to me ? like .. okay... i dont find any motive for you to be mean. am i like really disturbing you or what ? why cant you just tell me. GAH ~ i hate this . really. no one can really understand me. you know what ? when i am in poly , i guess ill be very diff from who i am now. im not going to talk alot and im not going to show who i really am. ill be very quiet. focusing on my future. cause the way i see it , i dont really want care about everyone and everything that is around me. if i am invisble to everyone .. so be it. i dont give a fuck anymore.

TRUSTS ? i dont know wether i could trusts people. one habit of mine, trusts people so easliy , really could hurt me so much. i could not help it. seriously.
this past few days , i have been working .. and i realized something. alot of people in my workplace really are two faced people. it took me such A long time to observe them. even the managers. i would not mention their names here. but i find it rather ridiculous.really. Urgh ~ i just cant stand it. BUT , on the bright side , there are some AWESOME FRIENDS i made. left with two more months and i am done.endureeeeeee~
ive not been feeling so well these past few days. gah ~
shall have more rest and sleeep earlier.

What is all this ?

it is always you on my mind ... which i really thought im over you .. but im not.
I kept re-reading all our old conversations. i miss all of those. i miss the feeling i get when i recieve a text from you. everything, why isit so hard for me ? and it seems alot easier for you ? I feel down everytime when i thought about us .
i kept telling myself that i am over you . The truth ? hell no.
if i know it would be this hard ? i wouldnt want to feel the feeling of loving someone . and ending up hurting me like hell.

my emotions are really fucked up. I MISS YOU . alot. but i have to lie to the people around me. i must stop talking about you. i must try my best not to even mention your name in my conversation.. but you is all i think about. i kept on substitute this feelings . I tried giving someone a chance.. but i couldnt work it out. its harsh. i know. but .. i wouldnt want to force myself in loving someone.

sometimes i wish you would randomly text me or whatsapp me. knowing that u still remember me .. then to have forgotten about me and act as if im a stranger to you. i miss you. really, ARGH !

What is wrong with me ? IM Not who I used to be. This is sooooo not me. Really. It feels super suckish. Why am I always crying at night ? why do I always feel im the ugly one ? Why do I,feel outcast ? And everyone hates me ? Why do I even feel im useless ? I prefer to be all alone. I dont wish to know everything. I prefer to let myself suffer. And hide everything from people around me ? My self esteem is FALLING drastically. What do I,want really ? Who am I really ?! Im,sooooo boring really. Im not like my,sis. Im violent. Im ugly. Inside out. Idk. I feel just... SUCKISH. Im invisible to everybody.

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Im tearing ~

I always feel I need to,let it all out .

Music is only my medicine for all this sadness in me.

I dont know why , but everything is not going like what I,want it.

Sis , got into the school,she wants. She gets everything she wants.

For me ? I have to work for it to,earn it. Life is super unfair 

My sis will always embarrased me infront of everyone. She will use alot of hurtful words to me. I do have feelings yknow .

She kept using my things ~ shirt , pants , shoes , hairclips , earrings , everything. I kept reminding her , and she says that im nagging. HELLOO ! Ure using my things and I cant say it out ? When I used your things have you ever let me do so ? Oh hell no ! U asked it back that instant. Idk .. I always need to give in. im sick of it. people around her seems to like her more than me. Maybe ill always forever be the shadow. Where no one even notice me. Im always outcast by,everybody. Maybe thats what I reaaly want. But it feels suckish to get all the blames and none praises.

Im a nobody

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So we went our separate ways.

i don`t know if this is really a good choice :/ that i made.
i kept thinking of you and all the memories when i look around.
i guess you dint really bothered huh ? i guess i am the only one feeling all of this?
i still love you. i cant deny that.
i thought you will fight for us. but you didn't.
i am super sad . all the people around kept convincing me that i did a right choice. but i don`t really feel i did make a right choice.
i am trying to get this over before Poly starts.
all my plans for valentine`s AND birthday failed. ): i guess , we wont be like the way we were before. i missed the time when i first time met you and get to talk to you. the first outing i went with you. breaking dawn movie.
with your old hair. urgh ~

let it remain as memories. i missed you so much. wish i could hug you for the last time. maybe i am just childish. childish towards this relationship. with you and ur NS .. i am sorry .. i really am. looking at you .. that you sound ahppy and having fun like you are as always. it really makes me sad. I guess, i am the only the one feeling all of this misery and pain. my heart aches , and stomach swirling when i see your tweets :( .



i guess i will have to really face it. Its over and get over it. i know its hard , but i will try my best to. I hate to know that im no more yours and youre no more mine. it breaks me . really. if i would , ill never want to change my relationship status at my facebook. never. .

If you`re reading this ,
i would like you to know , its never easy for me to say goodbye. since , u agreed , and u never fight for us , i really know , where i stand.

The feeling of being betrayed and  cheated on. really sucks. I never thought that YOU would say such things. Seriously. I didnt of thought you would do such things to me. I didnt need a lot of help. I didnt even asks for your help. You asked me , wether "i am your gf " . I didnt said you were my boyfriend. YOU ASKED ME. Truthfully , I didnt want to say yes. But , I did. I took it back , but u said no. I am your gf.

What ? What did I do that you said im childish ? Ouh , im sorry , for my  childishness. I know im 18 . So which one is childish now ? Talking behind people's back ? U didnt confront to me. I dont know what I did. Well , atleast , I am.who I am. So if you think im childish and it affects you alot , why are you still holding on onto this relationship ? Cause the way I see it , it is affecting you. And I dont want to affect you in any other ways. Sorry , if I have affected you in some ways , which idk.what... I didnt meant anything. I didnt intend to do such things. Im sorry , but , I think if Im affecting.you , lets just , have a break with this relationship. yes , it hurts to say this. But luckily , I didnt hope to high for this relationship to go on. You with NS , and im working and going to continue with my studies. I dont know okay ! I dont know what to do ! This is unbelievable. I really wish this was just a bad dream. But , unfortunately , it is real hard reality. I have to face it one day. I never thought it would be so sooon. I love you, I do. But, things happened huh ? I never want to be the reason you're affecting. I never want. No one does.

It kills me okay. It really does. Now , what im thinking right now , what do u really feel towards me ?. Are all those words u told me are just lies ? Or isit what you really feel ? I just need you to be honest. Thats all. Isit so much to,ask ? Urgh ~

Alot of questions in my mind. Ive dissapointed my one and only BFFL and now that ive found out about this. That im affecting my boyfriend. What is all of this ?

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Hey , so I got into ngee ann poly. Nursing course. Looking forward to it though. Hah ! Eventhough my O levels is not SO FANTASTIC = =...

so yeah.

I love to see the view early in the morning when im on my way to work , with music in my ears. Listening , looking out at the scenery of the morning light. The sun rays through the canopy , how beautiful it was. Its like looking at an.art piece drawn by a magnificent artists. I loved it. So much. I juat dont know how to explained it. Its just , wow. Ha.

Maybe im thinking just way toooo much or lets just say paranoid. Gah ~ alot of problems im facing right now. My bffl ): , she is dissapointed in me. I shouldnt have let her hopes high when.i said im meeting her. Gosh ! I didny change ! Im still stuck at last year. I always cancel our meetings. Im not surprised if she is dissapointed. Im dissapointed.inmyself tooo !~ .what kind.of friend am.i ??! U tell me ?! I was the only one who keeps on making her dissapointed. Im the cause for everyone around me to feel dissapointed. Im such a dissapointment. Ill never find someone who can really , lasts like our friendship. No one knows me inside out unlike you. I missed you. I really do )':   im truly sorry. It kills me inside that youre dissapointed in me. Im crying. I am.never able to make it up to you. ): . I am super sorry. I really hope to make it up to you. I am not surprised that youre dissapointed in me. I deserve it huh. Hmmm.

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