IVE BEEEN KISSED AT THE CHEEKS TODAAAAYYYY BY A PATRON!~

YEAHH. that would be the highlight of the day. HHAHAHA.
SOYEAHH. got a kissed by this grandmother , when i sent her to her seat at HALL 7. with her grandson with BLUE EYES ! and he is an INDIAN MUSLIM . super COOOL ! lol. his name is OMAR <3. HAHA. his age is only , like ard 7 plus ? lol ! okay , i really do sound like a pedophile. hahaha ! oh well , his eyes super attractive. wish i have that colour. COOOOL !! i find it very awkward , for a grandmother to kiss my cheeks. even my own grandma dosent do that ! haha. WEIRD ! ~ i am literally like .. distancing myyself when she grabbed me. LOL. i was like, oooo..oookaaaayy ... hahhaha ! AND ON MY WAY BACK , I HAVE TO COLLECT A POPCORN WHICH FELL ON THE GROUND . like whuaaaat ?! hahahaha. ASS. hehe.
















i kept on recalling the day when i hugged you. it was the best i`ve ever had. the warmth of your body really tells me that ill be safe with you. i never want to let go on that particular period of time. but i have to. the feeling you gave me every time when you're near me is always been like the first time i saw you. you everytime send me goosebumps. i love it when i am near you. When you asked me to touch your chest. i was literally shivering. I NEVER TOUCHED A GUY CHEST ! haha. when you asked me what was i wearing around my wrists. and you hold them .. it was super GENTLE. GAHH ~ hah. well lets just say that my legs were shivering , weak. well that is what i felt on that day. i ll never forget it. i was super shy when you helped me wipe the MUTTON SOUP ? at my shirt. it was SUPER EMBARRASSING. and i liked it. lol. the wind is at fault ! it was super strong. oh well , i love that day , and i cant get over it. you are always on my mind. i never felt this way before. LIKE N E V E R . i love you <3
thanks for everything. ALL THE TREATS. eventhough i feel kinda bad.. hah. :D
and i am sorry that i didnt open up much to you. i will open up to you soon, :D there is like alot of things you dont know about me. HAHA, ( i think )

oh well , just so you know , i miss you so god damn much ! GAH~ , I AM ALWAYS WAITING FOR YOUR TEXT AND CALLS :D . cause i love it :D xoxo.

Its nerve wrecking to have high hopes for something that you really want , which seems to be impossible for you to achieve it.  The hurtings you will recieve after knowing and realising , the truth of all truth. Im not hoping high in alot of things. In alot of all different stuffs.

SO ! On thursday night , it was the BEST NIGHT E V E R !!! Lol. Went to the skatepark , well , lets just say , I am super intrested in IN LINE SKATING. this guy was SUPER AWESOME . WELL , not the person , just HIS GOD DAMN.AWESOME SKILLS !! Freaaak ! Awesome. Hahaha. So me and alif is WAY ENGAGED TO THE SKATE SKILLS THERE , while sherry and ifa ,was god damn bored there. Hahaha ! Sorry guys , heh. Ouh ! and there was this guy , who skates infrnt of us , and trying to land like HUGE TRICKS. Apparently , he dosent , always FAIL ! Hah. And he kept looking at us. Like ,wtf ?.sorry dude.. We're bot interested. Muahaha ! Ouh , and most epic thing happened , The board breaks.in to two. ! Haha ! Infront of us , and me and alif was like ... OUUUUH , UR DECK PATAH !! Hahahaha. Confirm it will be the most embarassing moment in his upcoming life. Haaahaha ! Sadened. Lol ! ~

I am superly tired this past few days. Am I just thinking to much ?

Am I scared of being hurt ?

Am I Prepared for all the bullshits that is coming my.way ?

Am I able to bring myself up after I fall ?

Where am I going with my life ?

Have I love myself ?

All of those questions keeps lingering on my mind. Whats with all of this ? GAHHH ~

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You thought us to stand for our rights.

But when I did it , u said.i was wrong , and.look at the situation. The situation that time was superly unacceptable. I was shouted ny my aunt , and knowing the side story from my mum tonight.. I WAS RIGHT ! I know what I heard is true . I was never WRONG.

I cried tonight. Knowing my mum always says im in the wrong , and knowing that she never stand up for me the previous day when.the incident happened. She shouted at me saying im rude. What is this all about. You , said that I am unable to.take care.of you when.u grow into your old age. U never given me any trusts and hope. You only feel and think I am unable to do things. U never supported me in everything I do. U didnt let me do the things I want. But everything I do , where I follow ur instructions , instead of encouraging me to.do better , u critisize my doings. U nagged about all the things I did wrong. NEVER did you bring out the moments I did the right things. I dont know how long can I keep this things any longer. The one reason.. I never share alot of things to you because , I know , you wont understand it. You only living my life because you dont want anything to go wrong.. JUST SO YOU KNOW.. I am suffocating enduring all this bullshits. I really wish I could just breakaway from everything , and just Have the opportunity to LIVE MY OWN LIFE. thats all I wanted. Just that. Have trusts and hope on to me. Support in everything I do.

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Day and night I think,about you.

You,is all,i am looking forward this past 10 days. Hearing your voice that enlightens my day. Changes my,worse day to a better day. Thank you for everything. I really love it. Eventhough there will be some awkward silences on the phone , and all your bunkmates that made a very,hectic environment. Haha , I really love it. Knowing that your having a good time with your bunkmates. Thats what ensure me that you are.doing great . U kept complaining that its tiring N stuffs. And that you wanted to go home , well .. Haha. I cant do anything but just to encourage.you,from far. I  really excited.for sunday. HAHAHA. hopefully it will be a great day. ;D.

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Dont think this is your house means you are always right. I will always fight for myself when I am right. You said it yourself , "ciksu jumpe condom at alif jeans" Now then want say that I say anyhow. Shout at me saying im rude and stuffs. Well , Fuck U !! I dont mind shouting back at you cause I know what I hear. U said "CIKSU" . And u told me at the study room where ure cleaning it and where alif puts his jeans at.  U JUMP IN A CONCLUSION. Thinking of something worse. I have been enduring being patient towards your freaking attitude. I FUCKING AM STUPID FOR KEEPING YOUR FUCKING LIES TOWARDS MY MUM. WELL I AM HAPPY I TOLD HER WITHOUT YOU KNOWING ! I glad I did. Well , atleast I didnt keep secrets from my own family members. Secrets that will,ruin the family . Atleast ! I wont negelect my own child when I grow up.. Atleast I am not BIASED as you. U have gone too far. I dont like getting stepped on , and critisizing me when I,am right ! U are not worthy to do that. I know I am rude . I know that , but I HAVE TO STAND FOR MY RIGHTS ! I am,not like my mother. Just so you know  your own son hated you. Ouh , and fyi , this so called "home" is nothing near HOME. This is more like HELL. I cant stand all,this bullshit that is happening. ARGGHHHH ~

I used to tell you about what I,am facing right now , but now, I dont think I will tell you. I guess ure not treating me as your listening,ears .. So why should I ? U dont even bother to even look for me when it all pass. Hah! How silly am I ? I just want to tell you that  I have gound someone better than you. Like what you said. And I am very happy with him. Eventhough all of his past is that worse than yours , I kinda fond it really intresting. And wanting to,know more about him. I dont feel butterflies when I met you. But I,did feel butterflies when I met him. The warmth whenever im around him , all of his smiles and laughters. I love everything about him. I dont feel the same way when I am around you. I am so STUPID to even cry for you. All my tears just went to waste. FUCK ! I,cant believe it. I was SO STUPID. YES. STUPID. DUMB. EVERYTHING THAT HAVE TO DO WITH STUPIDITY = ME.

AND FYI. I am happy now. I never regret anything ever since I met him. So , hopefully you will find someone better than me. HAHA. someone that is not that STUPID as me to fall for you.  

What I am feeling right now , is I am waiting for my knight,to,rescue me from this problems. From everything,even it is a short period of time.

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Why am I always comparing myself towards my sister ? She have everything . She is so perfect. She always get what she wants. She have an awesome art skills , she can sing , play the guitar. Sometimes I feel that I am not as good as her. So what if I am good in studies than her ?.it dosent make myself much better than her.

After all the awkwardness I face yesterday, I realised something .

I,realised that I am a boring person. Seriously. I am just plain boring. I kept quiet all the time. I am not friendly , I never liked to Be so CHEERFUL and random at strangers like how my sister is. She is just fun ? I just dont know how should I explain what I am feeling right now. Its unexplainable. Serious. Im tearing up. Like seriously. I want to let everything out. Everything. When that day come , I bet ill be in tears. Seriously.

ARGGHHHHH ~ I hate this. I hate this so much. Sometimes I wonder wether all of this is just to make me stronger or weaker. For all I see now , it is just tearing me apart. Real bad.

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i did`nt update my blog yesterday because my phone is so fucked up.
was super frustrated. HAHA. feel like changing my phone. Dell is so not my favorite.
MISERABLE!~ regret choosing it as my phone. GAH ~
so anyways yesterday and TODAY was super slacking. except for the going home part.. that was like an ambush made by the customer. WRONG TIMING PEOPLE ~
saw like a few of my schoolmates. HAHA. sorry peeps, you may be my SCHOOLMATE ~ but i dont know you and i am not close to you guys ~ so dont act as though i know you guys ~ ITS A NO NO !!

so tomorrow is the day where MY LOVE ONES will be going off. My bffl is going to KL and Dany is going for his NS :/ . It is the worst thing which i can really feel right now.
it feels so suckish. Really. I wish I can handle all the misses i have towards them

TODAY IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

I had a date with DANY ! Well kinda .. I think,? But,whatever , gonna take it as a date though (: I know more about him now . Faris and jingting joined us later in the part of the day~ which I feeel REAAAALLLLY left out. Cause I am not close with them. Hahahaha ~ and I am not like them. Haha. Feel very , plain.? Their lives are filled with Fun,clubbing.and stuffs. Haha.~ I am not surprise. Hah ~  We watched breaking dawn part 1 today. Feel bad about choosing it cause they have watched it ~ oppps :X it was awesome and I am kinda EXCITED for part two. JACOB IS SOOOO PROTECTIVE. Haha. Emmett is the BEST <3. Alice cut her hair , but still pretty awesome I should say (: . After all that  they send me home , which I feel rather surprised. Hahaha ! No one ever send.me.back home till near my void deck . Seriously. Hahaha. I AM.SO NOT MYSELF WHEN THEY ARE AROUND. hahaha !~

Ps: Dany , if ure reading this , read below.

I dont ever want to stop loving you because of your past. I believe that you have changed . The past is just a past. Its who you are now .. I never feel any regrets in liking you ~ I love you for who you are. Your flaws are just a part of you. Your flaws that made you who you are. If I can accept your flaws , I can accept you ~ Cause for all that matters , I will still love you , unconditionally. I may sound so corny , but cmon , its the truth. Haha. Youre the most weird? Unique , funny , Good guy I ve ever known. You always giving me butterflies whenever I looked into your eyes. The warm.feeeling when.u smile. Haha! seriously.

Okay , I must stop here before u blush so much. Im losing my AWESOMENESS. HAHAHA. cmon. Lets keep on replaying bella snap breaking spine (: HAHAHAA.

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So , everything I do , is always wrong.. But u expect me to do better than others ? what is that about ? I dont even.know if I can handle all of this pressure u given me. I am not that strong just so you know. What my sister did , you never even.realise. It is always me u aimed at. What I do , how I wear my jeans ... My bracelets ... My taste in things. Can you just face the fact that I am not into sophiscated stuffs , I am not into arts , I am not into jewelries , I am not into chocolates ~ I never will ~ I dont have any of your interests in stuffs ~ ifa loves all the things you love. You guys are INCREDIBLE in art. You guys are an artists.~ you guys love jewelries , all those sophiscated stuffs, chocolates ~ I am not like you guys ~ Why did you even putting alot of pressure into me ? I have no talent in music. You are always proud of ifa ~ her art piece you put it at our living rooom and stuffs. You never once put anything about my achievements. You only tell people I got a scholarship ? ~ you always tell others that Ifa always wanted to be NAFA ~ but you didnt even tell people where I wanna go. Or continue my studies. I didnt make you proud didnt I ? You always treated me unfairly. Even ifa disobeyed and always answered you ~ you never even scolded her like how you scolded me. I feel so outcast. Its like you giving me all the pressure to me but you didnt even proud of me . Please. All I want is just you to feel proud of my achievements. Support me.

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Hey , so a lot of things have happened and i am TOO busy with my life .
been working..~
Tuesday is his last day at work. Sad huh ?
I am gonna miss him so so so so badly. :/
so yeah. he gave me Penguin toy and he bought pizza for my mum :D . Apparently, i find penguins super cute !
i am loving it so much. everytime i wake up in the morning , with MR. PENGUIN IN MY HANDS.. it is just sooo Urgh ! Incredible. it just reminds me of him. <3.
so where is this going ? i dont know, i just cant wait for Monday. :D .
i know ill freeze up and i bet ill be very quiet, HAHA. i will try to be the bubbly me,
haha ! hopefully,

so, Nini is a very funny girl. i love her self-esteem :D she is just too awesome. She dosent feel bad about her size. she love the way she is. i wish i am her, I am always worrying about what people thinks about me because people always judge, including me. HAHAH, its kinda funny when i tought about how humans react to each other, lol ! ouh , and i am wondering if that one day , humans in the world will be treated fairly ? like there will be no minister and someone with high pay , like.. everything and everyone is the same. NO RICH , NO POOR ..just the same ? wouldnt that be a better world ? There wont be any wars and stuffs like that. Imagine .. A world without money.? HAHAHA ~ seriously , i cant imagine. ahahha. wait i think i can .. but it is SUPERLY not logical.


So today is Alfiq's birthday and i SERIOUSLY dont know what to buy for him ? Oh no no , no games please. HE HAVE WAY TOOO MUCH GAMES ! ~ NO NO. haha , hmmm.. should ask alfiq. LOL. ~ suggestions ? so , had dinner and mum cooked chicken rice Because its his birthday, TOTAL UNFAIRNESS ! ~ she never cooked something special for my birthday ): haha ~ THIS IS UNFAIRRRRR ~ okay , lets just dont brood over it okay ? heh, i love the food but ... i didnt enjoy it that much. thanks to someone. I wont forgive and forget you. seriously. Urgh,
just ate pizza :D Yum yum. Sarpino :D
now i am already tooo full ...
HAHA :D . Hopefully tmrw will be a great day :D
Mum planed to go out with only FOUR of us .. tmrw and have our lunch together, ahhh... some Family bonding time i guess ? ive missed it :/

So what is left now is just scars. let time heal it. it may heal my scars but i wont ever forget it, remember that.