Lost in the dark

Ever had a feeling where you just lost interest in everybody and anybody?
it is like, you dont have any feelings of affection towards the person who shows interest in you.
you shove them away. You prefer to be alone. Knowing you are lonely ... but you still prefer to be alone. I have done so much stupid things in life. Those stupid things kept haunting me back
every time i try to look forward. Those regretful moments in my life where i wished i shouldn't have done it. Being pressured and wanting to try out new things ... make me do it without thinking for the consequences i will face at the later part of my life. Why do i talk about this? well, for sure i am having this self reflection moment with myself right now. like late night. where everyone is  asleep and i am just here ... typing this all out. I guess i can say here is where i shall put my feelings into words i cant share to anyone.

My days are pale
Everything is still
Everyone is dead.
My eyes looks around
to see the light of day.
There was no sound
only the  sound of a busy street
with a silent heartbeat.
The darkness came in my heart
memories i tried to erase
being still as a stick
brittle as it looks.
as light as a feather
as my memories haunts me
regrets fill me up
wishing time would turn back
rewinding and making things right.
Others were happy.
I am left behind.
Thinking that you would feel me
but i was wrong.
You were still in to her.
you filled me with lies
i believe those words,
i should have known better
that you were "smarter".
being as stupid as i am,
I believed your lies
as a liar you are.

Looking at your picture, i was sad, to be honest, but i couldn't possibly tell you. I dont want you to see me as a desperate person. cause i am not. I should have know all those hints you gave me. but i was blind. I was blind with all those words you've given me. I shouldnt have shared alot of things. things that are not meant to share. When will i ever have the true meaning of happiness?